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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in vegan's LiveJournal:

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    Friday, April 16th, 2004
    2:31 pm
    *Slams head against desk*

    *Bam*

    Oy vey...


    So i'm at school in the library when i should be at study skill ez. i got a pass to come down here. but its still SoOoOoOoOoO boring.

    I so need to call vanessa, yo. I don't like the telephone at all... its such a bitch. convenience my ass, yo. i can't connect with people without seeing them in person. inflection in voice? huh? doesn't mean anything for me.

    so.... it turns out william downloaded my LJ to read about my shady happenings and report to my mum. what a prick, right? How about we do a little vote? Is william a prick? No, lets not, because thats still shady like a mood lighting in michael jacksons bedroom. combomation, be-yotch!!!


    and... also theres the matter of... oh its all too much to bitch about on LJ. its all good, ppl.

    Current Mood: frustrated
    Friday, April 9th, 2004
    8:45 pm
    hey, where the FUCK IS LEE?

    in other news...


    vanessa ♥'s
    8:43 pm
    this is what we call smoke break time
    Friday, April 2nd, 2004
    7:38 pm
    !
     when the tables turn, integrity doesn't mean shit.

    just last week william was telling my mom how he hated that she feared him and treated him like a monster. today, i was ultra-pissed because my mom wouldn't let me go out because of grades, so i stormed off and banged on a wall and yelled "fuck" a lot. william then grabbed and restrained me, and started screaming for me to stop acting like a "Crazy Person." Fucking a'! okay, so i was angry, im not denying that at all because its true, but he does what? gets pissed at me? i say, "what the fuck? im not hurting anyone." and he says that im destroying his apartment. what the fuck? what the fuck? I hit a wall, not to be confused with planting a brick of C4. I'm so FUCKING PISSED. so later, we need to go to borders and i have to BEG him to let me go out. I'm not even kidding. I had to fucking plead to walk for 15 minutes each way with him. He says he doesn't want to "deal with me." but i PLEAD, and he says okay, but only if i don't get angry at all. so on the way, i ask for a stoage and he stops me, to which i reply, "fuck you." A little hasty, i admit, but he bitches and -- OMFG -- sends me home and tells my mother that im bumming ciggarettes? What in the fucking god mother fucking hell? What the fuck? What a fucking back-stabber. He's only doing this because he doesn't like being the one who my mom hates. And its not like it isn't working: Early he threatened TO KILL ME. I don't mean hit me, i mean KILL ME, which he explained in detail. My mom was RIGHT FUCKING THERE, and she didn't flinch. What a fucking hypocrite.

    My fucking god. What a piece of shit.

    OMFG, so vanessa left for Arizona this morning and you know why i haven't been able to see her all week? because my mom is a nazi. As in, she advocates the doctrine of Adolf Hitler. Fucking son of a bitch. Because of grades, she says, but more importantly because i told her to get a job. This is what this is all about. Three words: "GET-A-JOB." You know why this hurt so much? It isn't because of how much i hated her at that moment, it isn't because of my intent to hurt her, but because she doens't have one. Nothing hurts as much as the truth. She needs a fucking job. i've been living in poverty for YEARS because she REFUSES to find a job which can be performed sitting down. Now, just consider, how many jobs can be performed sitting down? A whole bunch of fucking jobs, thats how many. Bitch.

    And because she cares so much about me, she decided to take me out of theatre. Son OF A BITCH. How in the fuck does that help anything? Have i not been doing my homework because of theatre? Could be true? Makes sense, huh? Wait a fucking moment, i haven't been in theatre this whole fuck-off semester. SON OF A BITCH IDIOT. Why the fuck does she do this, i don't know.

    So I think of a way to calm down: Call Vanessa. My mom asks where is vanessa, and i say in arizona, she asks how im calling her, i say she has a cell phone. but apparently i say cell phone in such a way that she kicks me off the phone. Bitch! FUCK! FUCK!!

    And on top of ALL of this bullshit, Vanessa is in arizona for the better part of spring break. i feel like hell, and want to die. she says don't do drugs to get through this, so this is gonna be a bitch.


    i hate everyone. except vanessa, who doesn't fall through when its convenient for her. i luv you. that's all that needs saying, because thats what i mean.

    Current Mood: angry + lurve struck, yo!
    Current Music: mom bitching
    Friday, March 26th, 2004
    2:32 pm
    vanessa...

    ♥'s

    im going to her house right now.
    Monday, March 22nd, 2004
    2:42 pm
    ive been in the best mood ever today. ever.

    i spent basically the whole weekend with vanessa, except for a short portion of the evening where i went to see Blonde Redhead in concert, which wasn't all too awesome. But I saw it with kat (not my sista) and blazed w/her and saw this band casual dots.

    So then i went back to vanessa's the next morning (sunday) and saw that new jim carrey movie about memory and stuff which was a total fucking trip!

    warp ahead... i went home from vanessas. ive never felt like this before... and i know it sounds corny. but its fucking awesome. ♥ ♥ ♥

    at the same time, there's the feeling of... completeness? no. wrong word... i dont know. its like in Better Luck Tomorrow when the guy is all talking about every day he's trying so hard every fucking day, and now you're done. You can get on with your life. It's like Maslow's pyramid of needs: You won't feel hungry if you can't breathe, and you won't feel lonely if you can't eat. Except for now im like a step up.

    vanessa ownz. i feel awesome. You wish you were me.

    my god. good times. vanessa ownz you, and the both of us own whatever shitty relationship you have. hahahahaa

    ---

    PS: Lee is a fucking ♠card♠, beyotch!
    Sunday, March 21st, 2004
    3:55 pm
    Spell your first name backwards]: negav... hmmm... negative. maybe i only said that looks like the word negative because im negative. or maybe... because it looks like the word negative

    [The story behind your AIM name]: well... "VEGAN_IS_A_SUPER_COOL_PIMP_MASTA_G_AND_HES_JUST_BLOODY_AWESOME" was taken, so this was the next best thing.

    [4 words that sum you up]: awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome.

    [Wallet]: i have a paper clip which i put my ID, bus card, and dinero togeather with

    [Jewelery worn daily]: me

    [Pillow cover]: green tarten

    [Coffee cup]: various

    [Shoes]: black fucked the hell up chucks

    [CD in stereo right now]: music listening disc 3... probably. (that means classically, be-yotch!)

    [Piercing]: nothing... but i should have one.

    [What you are wearing now]: Jenn fox's jeans, and my grey dress shirt

    [Hair]: light brown with a blond streak in the front

    [In my mouth]: cock

    [In my head]: this motherfucking test... and what people think of me answering, "cock"

    [After this]: stoage time!

    [Talking to]: no one at the moment

    [Eating]: WISH i was eaten the comida de Mexico

    [Fetishes]: me

    [Some of your favorite movies]: pulp fiction! oh and the matrix, duh. fuck the sequels, tho.

    [Cartoon Character you are most like]: i look like shaggy of scooby doo, but have a personality more like fred's.

    [Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month]: in the upcoming months I looking forward to eleven and a half grand from the pigs

    [The last thing you ate]: vanessa's P-I-M-P bread

    [Something that you are deathly afraid of?]: being lame... hahahaha

    [Do you like candles]: What the fuck? NO

    [Do you believe in love]: Well, duh

    [Do you believe in soul mates]: No fucking way. Everybody is potentially a perfect match

    [Do you believe in forgiveness]: Why not?

    [If you could have any animal for a pet]: A girl! hahahaha. okay im done.

    [What are 3 places you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: london, jamaca, next door.

    [Future Child(s) Name]: Pimp masta' G.

    [What are some of your favorite pig out foods?]: vegan immitation food

    [What's something you wish you could understand better]: music

    [Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time]: Kai fucking ross, bitch!

    [In the last 24 hours, have you:]

    [Cried:] no

    [Gotten sick:] Gotten sick of blonde redhead, yeah. hahahahaha im too bloody-hell-mother-fucking-shit-damn-cunt-fucking-a-fuck-fucking funny for words!

    [Sang:] yes

    [Felt stupid:] yes

    [Wanted to tell someone you loved them:] no

    [Met someone new] yes

    [Talked to an ex:] no

    [Missed an ex:] no

    [Had a serious talk:] yes

    [Talked to someone you have a crush on:] yes

    [hugged someone:] yes

    [Fought with your parents:] no

    [Dreamed about someone you can't be with:] no

    [Are you center of attention or the wallflower:] center of attention! LOOK AT ME!! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOK AAAAAAAAAAAAT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

    [What type of automobile do you need to drive:] the bus, bitch!

    [Would you rather be with friends or on a date:] depends who with, i guess

    [Do you attend church:] Pagans dont need no house of god. I am god.

    [Do you like being around people:] i love being around people

    [Who have you known the longest:] hitler. wait... i mean myself. my bad. hitler? whoo! that would quite rediculous! quite, quite rediculous!! no, really, myself.
    Thursday, March 18th, 2004
    7:02 pm
    Yeaahhhhhhh! So im gonna start from last weekend.

    Last friday... made fun descisions that you should only care about if you already know.

    Saturday was feeling like shiIiIiIiIit to the max... and then went to Kats house and saw the homie Andrea. When I got there Kat was totally faded, and Andrea was a little off, but they smoked everything when i got there. So to have fun i tripped out on adderall x7. I called all the people and nobody could deliver the ganja at the moment... so i went home and was not going to sleep because of the amphetamines even tho i was gonna see Kat mañana to study and smoke pot. So i wrote people letters all night (i need to mail lee's and kat's)

    i was planning to pull an all nighter, which i did, but fell asleep at 6:00 in the morning and woke up at 1:00 in the afternoon. i called kat and she'd studied all that day so i went over and called a new deala' (gangsta' spellin', yo') who hooked it up with a five dollars my-weed-is-so-dope tax. And it was dank, but not five-dollars-dopeness-tax dank. So we smoked our mike (actually her mike, i paid $5) and went to fratelli's and i think i ate french fries. i dont remember.

    let's do the TIME WARP again! to today.

    today in psych class ms. wilson asked, "Has anyone in the class ever experienced ecstacy [the feeling, NOT the drug]" and i raise my hand and she calls on me. So i'm about to speak, when all of the sudden i get this SEARING PAIN that makes me feel like MY MOTHERFUCKING SKULL IS GOING TO RUPTURE. My face goes totally red like a bitch... like a bitch that is painted red. And then... as quickly as it came, it fades away.

    So my ecstacy experience... a few weeks ago im going out to meet glenn and ryan (lewark) and the weather is nice and for no [other] reason i feel happy as ever.

    Kim instigates a lot of shit.

    Right now im at Vanessa's house with Lee.

    Current Mood: good
    Current Music: Current Movie: Biodome. My fucking god is it lame.
    Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
    11:44 pm
    Spin me right 'round finally fucking downloaded!! Lee had been trying to get this motherfucker off lame ass limewire for about ten-thousand years now, but it always died and shit, and today we've listened to that song about a hundred gazillion times ahora.

    I have this psychology test mañana on chapter doce (that means twelve!)... which I SOOOOOOOOOO studied for. im gonna STOMP that motherfucker. I fucking outlined the chapter and everything. Okay quick explanation: Usually i don't give a fuck and just pay attention in class and squeeze by on the test. So... this test is gonna get StOmPeD!

    Me and my favorite laydee kat are gonna blaze this weekend. So..... yay. That's awesome!

    Meh.... i haven't enjoyed blazin recently as much as i used too. Im gonna ask her if its cool we drink. Marijuana intensifies your emotions, but doesn't necessarily make you happy. It sets up a state of mind that can be fun, but not happy. Alcohol, you lose all your inhibitions (more than weed, for me anyway) and don't worry about your problems. Plus you can say whats on your mind. You're speaking from the heart, unfiltered by fear.

    also.. I know that sounds like the inner britian/alcoholic speaking, but its true. just because you're speaking from a biased position doesn't mean that you're wrong.

    ----- |= . < . <> . |2 . 3 -----
    person: call me tonight
    other person: okay "me tonight"
    person: i meant on the telephone, dumbass. and you're not a dumbass because you can't understand a simple fucking phrase like, "call me tonight," because of course you understand, but because you'd use a fucking idiotic line that you know is old is fuck but try anyway on the off chance that i'll think, "My god, how cute was that when they said, 'okay me tonight,' so cute that i'm gonna bang there brains out.

    A quick poll, how many people have used that line?

    Current Mood: just a bit below content
    Current Music: Some rendition of "I want you to want me"
    Sunday, February 29th, 2004
    10:42 pm
    The plan for friday was either get drunk with mahrad, charlie, and glenn (who wouldn't drink) or go to Jeff's and lose my mind in a cacophony of psychoactive drugs. I was weighing the two, thinking which one i should do, until i realized, suddenly, that whatever i went to, i'd wish i was at the other one.

    Amazingly, both fell through, and maybe rescheduled to saturday.

    Saturday came, and both fell thru, again. So i call up the homie, Kat, (not my sister), and we then both get faded. it was an awesome time. we sang songs that we made up based on the alter-egos (which were also made up on the spot). Im the Croch-o Muchacho (who's about to steal all your nachos), and she was
    [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<bkat-booty</b>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

    The plan for friday was either get drunk with mahrad, charlie, and glenn (who wouldn't drink) or go to Jeff's and lose my mind in a cacophony of psychoactive drugs. I was weighing the two, thinking which one i should do, until i realized, suddenly, that whatever i went to, i'd wish i was at the other one.

    Amazingly, both fell through, and maybe rescheduled to saturday.

    Saturday came, and both fell thru, again. So i call up the homie, Kat, (not my sister), and we then both get faded. it was an awesome time. we sang songs that we made up based on the alter-egos (which were also made up on the spot). Im the <b>Croch-o Muchacho</b> (<i>who's about to steal all your nachos</i>), and she was <bKat-Booty</b>. Good times.

    Anyways, i get home and DUMBASS WILLIAM SNITCHES ON ME. Fuck!!!!!! FUcked up the rest of my weekend.

    DUMBASS!!

    Sunday night, (tonight), chilled with lee and jesse

    I'm soOoOoOoO cool.

    (btw kat put me on the l-word list)
    Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
    10:10 pm
    So here, i think, comes the end of the getting ass rejected drama
     I was talking to her today, its awkward... but, you know. it's getting back to old normal. i talked to the super-homie lee, and got his two cents, which for some reason made me feel uber-okay about it. i think im totally done with this. if nothing else, i learned a lot.

    omfg the dumbest shit ever got said today in the theatre. i can't even remember who said it or exactly what it was they said, but basically, "guys love the chase." WHAT THE FUCK? Notice i don't say wtf, because this is a real WHAT THE BLOODY-MOTHER-FUCKING-HELL-ASS-FUCKINGLY-FUCKED-FUCKING situation we got on. and then the funniest shit, mr. mitchell acts out while saying, "I love crawling after you once you break my heart." i laughed my fucking ass off. im all, i think i need a hug, and mr. mitchell is all i do too. so i hugged mr. mitchell and i'm like, highschool is so hard.

    other stuff! me, mahrad, and johnathan (the one on track team), all busted out fight club status. i fought johnathan and GOT STOMPED. he knocked the wind out of me, and then my vision started going blurry, so i tapped out, and then my ears totally tripped out. it was uber-wierd. then i got some water and felt better.

    that's all..... for now!

    Current Mood: w/ closure.
    Current Music: blink 182 - going away to college
    Monday, February 23rd, 2004
    8:25 pm
    ---
    so im playing guitar before class starts, and im showing off and shit, and "the girl" is all non-responsive. i try to act like nothing happened and we're still just friends, and i'm like, okay maybe im not totally in the right, or im thinking that anyway. but still, i don't want this to be such a bitch.

    later in the day i pass by her and im like high, and this fool doesn't even glance. i felt like rejected all over again. so i started thinking about it from her perspective, and i could imagine how awkward she feels and how i fucked it all up, or maybe she feels guilty for some fucked up reason.

    and the worst part is, i pulled the EXACT same act on baylee. but at least i can understand that i just didn't want to deal with closing the relationship because i felt guilty for breaking up, and maybe she feels like that.

    ----

    so, basically, i have two options.
    1) i pursue this relationship lika mug
    2) i cut my losses, and try to repair the friendship

    so the smart thing to do is try to repair the friendship and take it for what its worth. but i mean, haven't we learned anything from movies? i chose this person for a reason, because i'd rather have them then anybody else.

    but from a realist's standpoint, what if my mad charm skillz fall through and i don't even have the friendship.

    then of course, theres this whole what-does-she-want side of it all.
    Sunday, February 22nd, 2004
    10:18 pm
    turns out drugs do solve problems. score!

    drugs - 1;
    jesus - Zero
    9:50 pm
    look at my new icon, at least a temporary one. this is an abridged version of the original quote
    ""it's like in bernarda alba, all these girls are creating all this drama, but if they were guys there'd be a big fight and everything would be settled""
    9:38 pm
    i can't get over this at all.

    this is how romeo must feel in act I scene 1 when he's thinking about how rosaline is a mother-fucking nun. it's like, hey, when the fuck did you decide to do this? fuck

    it just hurts a lot. sorry for bitching, everyone.

    Current Mood: rejected
    12:52 pm
    i got faded and then went to the arcade in westwood with glenn, then I STOMPED HIM AT TABLE HOCKEY. It was so P-I-M-P. I was all yelling and shit. It's first to 7 to win, and really soon 6-0 my favor, but then caught up two points only to get OWNED.

    And then, i owned him at Marvel vs. Capcom. I was Ryu and Sakura. Glenn played Akuma and somebody else. Fucking cheapass akuma or whatever his name is. He's just a clone of Ryu and Ken that's better and evil. Ryu is the shit. i shoot those hadukens lika mug.
    Saturday, February 21st, 2004
    11:06 pm
    well the only thing to do right now is smoke marijuana
    10:36 pm
    "it's like in bernarda alba, all these girls are creating all this drama, but if they were guys there'd be a big fight and everything would be settled"

    -from a source that wishes ro remain anonymous
    10:01 pm
    Not Looking for a Boyfriend?
     rejected!

    so im like, yeah i gotta ask you, do you want to go out with me, in a girlfriend-boyfriend, significent other sort of way. And her words exactly, "I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now." FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK! I don't know what to say. I was so sure that for some reason she'd say sure. Honestly, i don't believe that line for a second. I don't mean i want it to be true or untrue. I don't give a shit, really. I just want her. FUCK MAN! what does that mean anyway, not looking? This is why gay relationships have lower spousal abuse than lesibian or heterosexual couples! Because its a relationship where there are no grudges, no drawn-out arguements, everybody likes the same thing, and everybody is down to bang! FUCK!!!!!!! I hate this so much. i can't believe it. i feel so cheated for making all this effort for nothing, and now it'll be uber-hard to talk to her. now i'll end up being uber-nice to her just to try to make it like its nothing. so basically ive put our relationship on the line, with a seriously good friend, for blankness. FUCCCKKKK!

    I need to learn how to deal with rejection or something
    Thursday, February 19th, 2004
    8:09 pm
    Tali! FoOl we need to turn in that Shakespeare shit tomorrow and present it in front of those millions. IM me (my screen name is notrauma) or some shit. If not i'm coming to your house tomorrow morning to pick up that mother fucking disk.


    In other news, i'm awesome.
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